Clerks II - Losers on Film

Duration: 100min
Category: comedy
Available: On DVD
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Criticising a movie like Clerks II is a no win situation. You can point out how bad it really is but the fans will just think you don’t get it.

There are those who like director Kevin Smith’s movies and feel that if you point out what’s wrong with this kind of flick you can’t “appreciate mindless humour.” That you are too “mature” and “stuffy” and get offended easily. What they don’t get is that the problem is not the fact that the humour is offensive and mindless, it’s that the mindlessness in Clerks II isn’t that offensive and doesn’t have any humour.

Kevin Smith hasn’t had a hit since the first Clerks so here he is back again at the same old thing. Only this time, instead of something original like the first film he’s falling back on tired old jokes. Even if the jokes aren’t tired when the movie starts, he makes sure to exhaust every single one. The characters will say something funny (usually not that funny just gross so that teenagers will giggle) and then say it over and over and over again. I couldn’t count the times they said “ass to mouth” or “porch monkey” as if was funny the first time. Well it didn’t get any funnier as they repeated it over and over and over.

Watch for the real lame asses in the crowd. They will go home quoting lines even further. They don’t get that something like “interspecies erotica” really isn’t that shocking or that funny and repeating it as if it's the holy grail of jokes just makes you look really sad.

Clerks II substitutes wit and humour with… well, things that are gross. Why think up something funny to say when all you have to do is have a fat guy screw a donkey? And in case that wasn’t funny enough have the fat guy screw the donkey for a really long time. And that’s about the level of how “gross” things get. Clerks II never really shocks. If you think that the suggestion of some off camera donkey screwing is so shocking you want to giggle then you lead a pretty sheltered existence.

Another sad part of the movie is how lazy the attempts at humour are. Smith doesn’t take time to really come up with anything clever to send up. Instead his targets are so easy. He makes fun of such easy to make fun of targets as Jesus freaks and Lord of the Rings nerds. Oooh how witty! It’s like those pathetic nerds in school who realized that there were nerds with even less clout than them and made fun of them to make themselves feel better about being unpopular in the first place. Short sighted and sad.

Worse than all that is that unlike the first flick, Smith decides he wants to put a lame ass romance into the film. We are supposed to buy the fact that the gorgeous Rosario Dawson would fall in love with the fugly, loser mess that headlines this garbage? Come on! Does Smith have Frank Miller disease where he suddenly believes that sexy, intelligent women are just waiting to fall for fat, lazy, hideous schmucks? Ugly guys love this kind of story as it gives them hope. Someone needs to tell them to keep that fantasy to their private bathroom moments and spare movie goers the torture.

Even if we could buy such a ridiculous daydream, why did they have to make it so romantic comedy formula? If I want this kind of typical lovelorn rehash I will see a Sandra Bullock film. I do not expect this from Clerks II.

Don’t get me wrong, I would love to have laughed at mindless humour all through this film but there was no humour. I am all for a good dirty joke but Clerks II, with all its attempts to be dirty, lacked the joke and any real dirt. The real joke is that people (like me) are still paying to see Jay and Silent Bob when we should no better.

I guess that those who are easily grossed out and giggle about it, like to pick on those weaker and lamer than themselves, can’t get a date but jerk off over the supermodels, and think a joke gets funnier and funnier as it gets hammered into the ground might enjoy this film but for the 99% of us who are not that lame, skip it.

Review By: Collin Smith

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