Transformers - Less Than Meets the Eye

Duration: 130min
Category: Sci Fi
Available: On DVD
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One thing is sure, Transformers is one dumb ass movie. Whether it’s the ridiculously lame dialogue, the so-stupid-you-can’t-stand-it plot, or the poorly executed action sequences and special effects. World’s worst director, Michael Bay, holds his title by ruining this mess of a summer blockbuster.

Still, I have to admit, I had a little fun at this trainwreck.

There is a part of me that will always be 12 and thrill at the idea of my transformer toys coming to life on the big screen. That part of me managed a few moments of bliss… despite all the work Bay did to try and hammer that out of me.

Sure he “transforms” my beloved memory of these toys by turning the visuals of the characters into incomprehensible monstrosities. The toys for this film will never hold the same emotional place in the hearts of young ones.

Sure he, and the army of writers on this film, couldn’t come up with one, even remotely believable explanation for these creatures. Forget the believability of the alien robots; it takes greater minds than these guys to do that. They can’t even make the humans act believably. They couldn’t even find a line of dialogue that wasn’t bone crunchingly groan-inducing.

Sure he couldn’t film an action sequence that didn’t destroy every piece of scenery around. In a Michael Bay film it’s always about quantity over quality.

Sure he had to find every way possible to put in toilet jokes. You wouldn’t believe how many piss jokes there are in this mess. When it’s not piss jokes, it is jokes like having Optimus Prime break a lawn ornament and say, “My bad!” Ugh.

He couldn’t even find something for main villain, Megatron, to transform into.

Having said all that, he did manage to cast the captivating Shia LaBeouf in the lead. He is a star of the future… if he could just get himself cast in a good movie.

I guess I can’t fault Bay too much. He brought my beloved Transformers to life. And this movie is no where near as bad as The Island or Armageddon. I admit that there isn’t a lot you can do with such a cheesy concept. It really works better as a line of toys than it does as a movie or any other narrative medium. Still, I would have appreciated it if the film makers had given the subject just the smallest bit of respect and tried to tell a decent story besides all the special effects. He doesn’t massacre the memory of these toys, they were pretty silly to begin with, but he doesn’t do anything to them to help them become a bit more… well… more than meets the eye.

Review By: Collin Smith

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